If you have cried, these last few nights, the way I have cried.
Tears that open you ragged and raw, so many tears that they run wild, so many tears that they cover everything. Like the rain here in the desert runs through the washes because the earth is too parched to hold it all.
If you can no longer hold it all – like I could no longer hold it all. Then go ahead. Let it out.
Give yourself over to the grief. Let it bend you, the way only grief can bend you. Knees to earth and hands to heavens. Let it be hard and let it be beautiful.
Sometimes we are living and life is full and there is so much goodness and still – the hard hits and when it hits it takes everything we have. It does not need reason or justification. It does not fit in a container or explain itself. It just is. The way only grief can be. The totality of it is the point.
Grief half-lived is grief unfinished. And make no mistake, it will return.
And so if you are feeling it. All the way in and out and all around. If the air is heavy and even that strong silent moon has gone dark.
If right now this is how it is for you, know this.
You are not alone.