am I too much for you?

no, I’m not easy.
don’t come to me for simple.
you want that you’d best look
somewhere else, dear

i’ve got currents
beneath my surface
that will feel like ruthless riptides
if you come too close without
being ready to ride my waves

i don’t do surface well
and I’ll probably expect more
of you than you’ll ever dream
of expecting of yourself
but that’s only because I see what
lies beneath your surface
and I refuse to settle for less than your all

yes, I have feelings
and no, I’m not afraid of them
not even the shadowy ones
that you’d rather ignore
i gather them in
welcome them home
give them space to breathe
and light them on glorious fire
just to see
what might be illuminated
while they burn.

you wanna go deep?
come here baby
i’ll take you down
hold your hands as the air bubbles to the surface
and sunlight fades away
we’ll swim in the underworld
make friends with the merfolk and selkies
dance with ghosts of our former selves
and learn that yes
it is possible to burn underwater
and your lungs will ache and your heart will pound
but you’ll see things
you never dreamed
floating on the surface

and when it gets too much
i’ll let you go
watch you rise
witness you learning
to save yourself.

and then i’ll fly you high
soar you miles above your limited notions
of self and life
until you are so full of your own beauty
that you have nothing to do but

and when you do
i’ll be soft for you
stay in bed all day on Tuesday soft,
trace your skin like a roadmap soft
hold your truth between my lips soft
and I’ll be hard
push you past your comfort zone, hard
open us up to pain, hard
bring it home together hard

risk?  bring it on.
safety? nurture it fiercely
grief? cradle it gently
contradiction? claim every last one as precious and yours.
love? hell yes. every day.  over and over and over again.

despite the risk.
despite the current.
despite the too much, the depth, the pull from below the surface
despite the lure of the easy

because we are all feeling and physicality and razor sharp mind
we are heart and blood and life-giving paradox
we are mothers and lovers and warriors
we are everything and nothing and everything again.

but easy?

no – you’d best look someplace else for that.


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